


Two Formerly Evil Assassins and An Archer Walk Into A Bar...

by 222Ravens



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Aliens, F/M, Fun with Backstory, Hypervodka, I Don't Even Know, Probably Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-20
Updated: 2012-07-20
Packaged: 2017-11-10 09:10:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/464612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/222Ravens/pseuds/222Ravens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River Song meets Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton in a bar, in the aftermath of yet another alien battle for control of New York. It's slightly silly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Formerly Evil Assassins and An Archer Walk Into A Bar...

The bar is mostly abandoned, all other patrons having fled the area in the confusion of the battle that had taken place a few hours earlier. 

There are three people sitting at the bar, taking shots from a glass bottle full of clear liquid. The first is a woman in a leather jumpsuit and a pair of low heels, with at least two guns on her. Visible ones, at any rate. She is youngish, with striking looks and red hair, but a hardness to her expression. 

The second woman appears older, but is also striking, with masses of curling blonde hair. She is wearing a slinky black evening dress, bright lipstick, and is carrying a large, oddly shaped gun. Despite her attire, if anything, she looks more dangerous.

The third is a man, dressed in leather, with scruffily short brown hair. His is a plainer face, but a trustworthy one, though no less fierce than the two women. Especially if one takes into account the bow at his feet and quiver full of high tech arrows beside it, and the gun at his belt. He sits with an arm around the redhead, looking at her, before he turns to ask the blonde a question. 

"So, let me get this straight… You're a femme fatalle with killer heels, great hair, and even better fashion sense, skilled at misdirection and a killer shot, who was taken as a baby by a top secret organization, mind controlled and trained to be a ruthless assassin without any mercy, only to accidentally fall in love with a man who you are supposed to kill, but who decides that you are worth saving and tries to redeem you?" 

River Song does another shot of hyper vodka before answering with a wry, "Problem with that, sweetie?"

At which point Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton look at each other again, then burst out laughing. 

River stares at the couple. "Am I missing something? Really, how is that any more ridiculous than a Norse God who's actually an alien? Though, I did have lunch on his planet once. Lovely place. Almost as pretty as he is."

The laughter fades, and Clint manages to speak again. "No, it's just… God, one of you is bad enough, but two? Forgive me if I run and hide." Despite is words, he doesn't move from the bar, though he does grab the flask and pour more shots. "Oh, and Thor's taken, pretty sure."

Natasha finishes her own shot. "What Clint means is that he pretty much just described my backstory. To the letter.."

"Ohhh…. You're that Natasha Romanov? The Black Widow. Impressive." River Song toasts her with another shot.

Clint puts his hand on his gun. "How did you know her alias? Nobody in New York who isn't SHIELD should know that."

River narrows her eyes. "Please. My gun's bigger. And that Director Fury? Well, we've gone for drinks a few times, let's just say. He keeps trying to recruit me, despite me telling him I'm only in town for three months, tops. My silly husband probably got the time wrong for our date. _Again._ Still, I suppose it's possibly the TARDIS figured you could use some help today, and did it on purpose. Cheeky girl."

Natasha puts a hand on Clint's gun, relaxing him. "Fury's trying to recruit you? You must have been a very good training. What organization, if I may ask? Mine was Russian."

The other woman quirks a brow. "Mine was alien."

It's at that moment, however, that the door to the bar crashes open. Nine bright blue creatures with faces like slugs burst into the room, all carrying large guns. The three at the bar glance at each other, then pick up their weapons, and dive behind the bar.

Clint swears colourfully. "Seems we missed a few, eh 'Tash?" 

River checks her gun. "Pity about the odds." 

Natasha jumps up, firing the first shot and taking down the lead slug. "Agreed. Three to nine isn't really fair, is it?"

Clint takes a shot, misses, then ducks down as bottles of alcohol explode where his head had just been. "We'll manage, I think."

Natasha and River give each other a look. 

River retorts "We mean not fair to them, sweetie," before the two women rise above the bar, and take out four aliens with a series of well choreographed shots, and duck for cover again.

"Join the rest of the team at the usual shawarma joint afterwards?" Natasha asks, as Clint takes another shot, hitting the target this time.

"Definitely."

"I'll let you do the introductions."

**Author's Note:**

> No real excuses for this, other than me reading up on backstories for the Avengers, and noticing a few similarities to that of a certain Doctor Who character. 
> 
> Justified largely by the line "Picnic at Asgard. Have we done Asgard yet?" in the Doctor Who episode 'Silence in the Library'. 
> 
> Un-beta'd.


End file.
